I am an Awkward Mom

I always wonder if other moms feel as awkward as I do in every social situation I am tossed into.  It's not that I am antisocial in the real world, (well maybe a little).

I am an awkward mom.

It may have started out by being a step mom.  As a stepmother you are always feeling out your place, not only at home but in the world of parent/teacher conferences, Pee Wee football games, birthday parties and other events where you are constantly reminded that your husband has not only had sex before you, but shared a life with another woman that you will be forever tied to for the rest of your life. How's that for a neurotic run on sentence?

When my daughter was born I thought I would be less awkward.  I wasn't.  I've run screaming from every mommy group I have ever attended, and by run, I mean walk and by screaming, I mean quietly weeping on the inside.
I hate the name "Mommy Group"
I also hate "Froyo" and "Xfinity"
but this is not what this post is about.
Wait.  I also hate BOGO and Ruth's Chris Steakhouse.

I don't know the other parents at my daughter's preschool school very well, so every time I strike up a conversation I feel like I'm the new kid in 4th grade, wearing head gear. I want them to like me.  I want them to think I'm cool. Wait. No I don't.  Dear God please don't invite me to anything. ...
Today I am obsessing over the Birthday Party Evite.  I didn't score an Evite because of my cunning wit and my magnetic personality.  I am just on the Preschool's email list and parents are encouraged to invite everyone in the class to their 4 year old's birthday bash.

Why I don't want to go
1.  We would have to go and be social

2.  What am I going to wear? I don't fit in with the Gore-Tex crowd or the opposing Lululemon gang.

3.  Clara is going to realize that other 4 year olds have kid parties instead of the themed cocktail parties we   throw to celebrate her day of birth.

4.  One camp is the stay at home mom camp.  One is the corporate mom camp.  I am in my own hybrid "work sometimes" camp and I will have to explain.

5. When I tell people I work evenings and weekends it makes me sound like an exotic dancer. The truth is more glamourous.  I get paid to perform while wearing a pig costume. While this should be a great conversation starter with preschool moms and an opportunity to market my work as a childrens theatre performer, I become all insecure and tongue tied in the presence of  UGGs

Why I should go

1. I love my daughter and it's important for her to do social things and celebrate her school friend's birthdays.

2. I should be more social.  I am sure there are very nice, normal parents out there that like cocktails and mocking the more fortunate.

3. Proof that Clara actually has parents and didn't just hatch from an egg like Jonathan Winters in "Mork and Mindy". (Pretty sure all of the moms at Clara's school are too young to remember Mork and Mindy)

Why I will go
1. Cake.

Hey there 39

So here we are.  I am officially 39.  365 days until I celebrate 40. For some reason, I have been giving thi s year a lot of thought.  I have been thinking about all of the things that I wanted to accomplish by the time I turned forty and with the exception of a few things like, win a Tony, be a size 8 and total world domination I am pretty happy with Deonn in progress. I have some accomplisments under my belt.  here is my top Ten.

1. I found "the one" Ok, so he is obsessed with The Little Mermaid and has the same musical taste as my mother, and I can't count the amount of times he has made me watch the Superman opening credits, I hit the jack pot.  I found a man who will love me, put up with all of my neurosis, and keep me away from WebMD when I have convinced myself I have contracted Ebola.

2. I became a mom. I acquired a step boy child and gave birth to the world's loudest girl child. I would say something kind and amazing and inspirational about having children but it's 10:20 and  my four year old daughter is whining in her bed, claiming to be afraid of her frog humidifier.

3. I live in an amazing place.  My neighborhood gets a bad rap. Sure there is the occasional stabbing in the alley, drug deal gone wrong or a good old fashioned shivvin. (sp?) but for the most part, it's a lovely place with great restaurants and coffee shops and just blocks to Pike Place Market. It's like a small town, in a big city.  We know our homeless and they have our backs.

4. I get to act. It ain't Broadway but I get paid to dress up and sing and dance and perform.  How cool is that?  Performing for children is the best. Performing in a pig costume in front of your husband's ex-wife?...well that's a whole other blog post.

5. I write shows.  I write things that I think are funny. I put it up on the stage and then I rake in a ridiculous amount of royalties! and by ridiculous I mean...well...can't quit my day job.

6. I have a reliable car, for the first time in my life. However, I drive a car that could house the country of Lichtenstein. Yes, I have become one of those people with a  ridiculously large car.  It's not a Hummer or an Escalade or anything and it certainly isn't a minivan, but it's bigger than most parking places in which I am trying to parallel park.  This isn't really an accomplishment, just a fact.

7. I have a collection of wonderful friends.  I have friends who are willing to brave my neighborhood and struggle to find parking to help me celebrate turning 39.  If you have ever tried to find a parking place in downtown Seattle, you know how good these friends are. My friends are the best and this year I am going t make an effort to see them all more, and not just take advantage of the free babysitting.

8. I have figured out how to use all of our 7 remote controls.

9. I have  learned all of  the words to "Walk Like an Egyptian" and I can sing it while playing the tambourine...sort of.

10. I wrote my first  'The Story of 39" blog entry.  It's surprisingly hard to come up with things I have accomplished.  Perhaps it's because so many of the things that I have, I am simply grateful for and I don't consider them accomplishments. Oh wait...here is another one.  I have accomplished bed time success and my daughter is finally asleep.  Unfortunately, so is my husband.  Goodnight everybody!